seejelly:

two years ago i was licking a lollipop and some dude said “watching a girl eat a lollipop is a great way to see how well she gives blowjobs” so i bit the lollipop in half and spit it out 

(Source: standardgaydad)

fohk:

She could fade and wither, I didn’t care. I would still go mad with tenderness at the mere sight of her face”

Lolita (1997)
Adrian Lyne

Vancouver Sleep Clinic & GXNXVS - Hold On We're Going Home (Drake Cover)

not-blonde:

Winona Ryder in high school
“I was wearing an old Salvation Army shop boy’s suit. As I went to the bathroom I heard people saying, ‘Hey, faggot’. They slammed my head into a locker. I fell to the ground and they started to kick the shit out of me. I had to have stitches. The school kicked me out, not the bullies.“Years later, I went to a coffee shop and I ran into one of the girls who’d kicked me, and she said, ‘Winona, Winona, can I have your autograph?’ And I said, ‘Do you remember me? Remember in seventh grade you beat up that kid?’ And she said, ‘Kind of’. And I said, ‘That was me. Go fuck yourself.’”

not-blonde:

Winona Ryder in high school

“I was wearing an old Salvation Army shop boy’s suit. As I went to the bathroom I heard people saying, ‘Hey, faggot’. They slammed my head into a locker. I fell to the ground and they started to kick the shit out of me. I had to have stitches. The school kicked me out, not the bullies.

“Years later, I went to a coffee shop and I ran into one of the girls who’d kicked me, and she said, ‘Winona, Winona, can I have your autograph?’ And I said, ‘Do you remember me? Remember in seventh grade you beat up that kid?’ And she said, ‘Kind of’. And I said, ‘That was me. Go fuck yourself.’”

scarletsamhain:

willy wonka and I are one

(Source: ohohmeo)

dickfaerie:

adding a period on the end of everything makes it sound sarcastic

lol.

haha.

youre so funny.

youre so hot.

of course i dont hate you.

pollypopit:

relahvant:

asktheteamofscientists:

hobgoblinhero:

danadies:

yes-master-thank-you-master:

The Kum and Go. Or as my mom called it, the ejaculate and evacuate.

Jizz and jet

shoot and scoot

blow your load and hit the road

bust ya nut and off ya strut

pray

wings-for-castiel:

totallysonic:

iranawaywiththedoctor:

Things I shout while playing any video game ever:

  • YOU FUCKING HOE
  • YOUR MOTHER SHOULD HAVE SWALLOWED YOU
  • I FUCKING (SCREAMS)
  • FUCKING BALLS
  • OH WHAT THE ACTUAL LIVING FUCK 
  • YOU CAN SUCK MY SWEATY FUCKING BALLS
  • I HATE THIS GAME
  • FUCK
  • FUCKING 
  • FUCK ME
  • FUCK YOU
  • FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
  • WHY AM I FUCKING PLAYING THIS GAME
  • I’m so fucKING DONE 
  • WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
  • [PTERODACTYL SCREECH]

image

have you ever taken your dog to a jumping competition

cokeflow:

I envy literally everyone who is talented at anything

(Source: fingerblaster113)